My husband's niece (mine too by marriage!) is coming to visit next week all the way from New York, so we are prepping the place for her arrival and I have a million tests and doctors appointments to be had as well at the same time. in fact ill be in a ct scanning machine when her plane lands! but we are hoping that the weather here is beautiful and that she can just relax and enjoy herselfI will give a full blog post on before and afters of the patio. Some trash we've found, some diy, some rehabbing, and yes some Wal Mart (which feels like splurging when your on limited income) even. Hey I'm on a budget but here is another amazing photo of something that is going to serve as a flower and herb stand in our patio to free up some room for firing up the BBQ. It will be a nice retreat for me to recover from my upcoming surgery (almost there finally!!!!) as well.
Things are looking up. I didn't know it was possible. But it's hard to notice that things are looking up when your head is always down. There was barely little rays of hope. Ive personally experienced losing our home in 2007. a wildfire ate every shred of memory i had ever made where i grew up. and i thought that was bad. cake compared to the fire of pain that burns you from the inside out.
Alls we had a few weeks ago was prayers from friends and family. Extra Groceries being delivered, cans of beans, coupons, collection calls, i had to cut work which was very difficult financially in the midst of it and mentally to relinquish control of stability, we were literally having friends give us toilet paper and now things are falling slowly into place. We are still not out of this riptide but we aren't drowning at the moment...and breathing without fear is a lot nicer than gasping for air in between the blows.
With a lot of family and friends' prayers and just trying to envision what I want from life and my recovery and putting anger aside as this physical "speed bump" has forced me to have more faith and say thanks for anything instead of poor me why me what did I do? It's tested my marriage for the better (even if it didn't feel like it) and its giving me a break. I've burned out in the whitewash for so long and now Im Floating past the break and things are calming........even if its cloudy and cold. I don't know a lot of relationships or marriages that would survive this. Almost everyone we know lives on credit, parents helping (even if they live with them) or watching people travel and have children.....all while my husband has to pull the weight of us both and can only comfort me with words. Even hugs are excruciating. I've met people along the way whose relationships didn't work out because a physical disability. It is something that affects everyone around you when it becomes too much. Only a few of us are lucky enough who have family and partners nutty enough to stick around. We expect in sickness and in health much later in life and when it's mixed I with for richer or poorer when you are supposed to be in your physical prime is very mentally challenging for couples. Especially if you want to travel, make plans and be parents one day. It's hard to think you may not have that. But you have each other and I keep getting surrounded by people who have so many great strengths, whether its words of encouragement, handing me chocolate when I'm crying, or watching someone else whose physically hurting laughing It inspires me to tears. So now I have new goals to set. Inspirations are going to be my aspirations.
